Monthly Archives: December 2009

Christmas Past Part 3: ‘Hey, call me Mr. Christmas’

You’re back?! Wow, I thought I would have lost you long ago.

But since you’re here, take off your coat, loosen up the belt, sit down and relax, while you read the third in a series of four holiday columns I wrote years ago when I was an opinion page editor for a newspaper in Northern California.

In the first column I wrote about the holiday spirit – and adults wrestling for cheap toys – and about a Texas lawmaker who irked Texas Christmas tree growers by putting in the Texas House of Representatives a plastic tree made in China. And the second column poked fun at me for my tardiness in shopping for the holidays.

This, the third in the series, again pokes fun at me for not beginning my holiday shopping until Boxing Day. This time I explain TGS, or typical guy syndrome.

And, as you see from the note at the end of the column, it did irk a few people. You never know what is gonna rile people.

Hey, call me Mr. Christmas

Editor’s note: The author was the opinion page editor at The Reporter in Vacaville, Calif., when this was first published on Dec. 22, 2004.

By Keith Michaud

’Tis that wacky season once again to be jolly and full of holiday cheer, to gather with family and friends to exchange gifts, good tidings and hopes for the coming year. It’s time to fa-la-la-la-la, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Don’t get me wrong. I love Christmas. Just call me Mr. Christmas or Hap Holiday. Either will do.

Longtime readers – and you both know who you are – will recall that I occasionally suffer from seasonal onset TGS, or typical guy syndrome. TGS is caused by something attached to the Y chromosome or beamed into our heads during televised Sunday football games. It causes traits in guys that we just cannot shake, even if we wanted to.

TGS sufferers, who can live long, productive lives in captivity, are typically known for leaving shoes strewn throughout the living room, leaving half-eaten sandwiches on bookshelves and nightstands, and for not remembering which pile of laundry on the floor is clean and which is dirty, causing TGS sufferers to face the added ridicule associated with wearing dirty clothing in public.

And as I have written before, TGS sufferers can turn a simple house chore into a task equivalent to figuring out quantum physics. Things left in our refrigerators take on the air of a scientific experiment. (Remember, mold can be your friend.)

Perhaps the most significant trait of seasonal TGS sufferers is to postpone until the very last possible moment the purchasing of Christmas gifts. Why battle for weeks with the crowds at the mall? Just wait until Christmas Eve before starting out. The battle with the crowds goes on for a few hours and not for weeks.

Admittedly, the holiday gift selection is a bit limited for TGS shoppers. That may be why their family members sometime receive, well, interesting gifts. Sure, Aunt Girdy might not appreciate the bag of corn nuts in her stocking nor Uncle Bob the convenience-store coffee mug, but these are gifts from the heart for a TGS sufferer.

Fortunately, I was able to break the ugly grip of TGS just long enough to ship two packages to family in the Deep Dark North Woods of Maine. The packages made it there in plenty of time after a schooner trip around Cape Horn and up to Boston, a train ride to Kennebunkport, a mule train to Bangor, and two dog sleds north. So what if the packages my family received last week were the ones I sent last February for the previous Christmas. It’s the thought that counts. Besides, it’s not as if the spirit of Christmas past really comes to visit. Right? No, that’s a real question. They don’t, do they?

Like I said, call me Mr. Christmas.

Believe it or not, this column actually stirred up a touch of holiday controversy in Vacaville. More than one reader took me to task in phone calls and letters to the editor for the use of the phrase “Hap Holiday.”

One letter writer wrote in part:

“Although I applaud Keith Michaud’s willingness to be called ‘Mr. Christmas’ amid an era of ever-increasing political correctness, I couldn’t help but notice he went on to say that we could also call him ‘Hap Holiday’ in his recent column.

“This perhaps unintentional willingness to eliminate the name Christmas from this holiday has me baffled, yet not surprised.”

I really wasn’t trying to eliminate “Christmas” from the holiday, but my experience at this sort of thing led me to believe then – as it does now – that whatever I had to say in my defense would not have been accepted on face value.

The letter writer ended his rather long letter:

“Yeah, I know, this would make believers extremists. How ironic. The few who oppose Christianity have managed to turn Christians into radicals. Thus, perhaps unknowingly, Mr. Michaud proliferates politically correct propaganda and tells readers that calling him ‘Hap Holiday’ is fine with him.

“Well, it’s not fine with me. So you can call me Mr. Christmas.”

Well, at least someone is Mr. Christmas.

Previously posted:

Christmas Past Part 1: ‘Holiday spirit takes off’

Christmas Past Part 2: ‘Calling too late for wishes’

And I was trying to stay out of the whole vampire thing …

I am not into fads, especially those rising from the wreckage that is the entertainment industry.

That is not intended as an insult to my very hardworking and very talented friends working as journalists covering the entertainment industry. No, those hardworking and talented people come up with their very own fads … that I tend to ignore, also.

So I have stayed away from bothering with the resurgence of vampires on TV and cinema screens and in posters and whatnot purchased by teenagers. Just not interested.

But here I go writing – although very briefly – about vampires.

As I do often, I was checking out DownEast.com and went to its Maine trivia question. Today’s was:

What town is the basis for Collinsport in the Gothic horror soap opera “Dark Shadows”?

The answer surprised me:

Bar Harbor

I am not sure why it surprised me, after all, for as long as I can recall movies and TV have filmed in Maine or been “set” in Maine. (i.e. “Murder She Wrote” was set in Maine, but the bulk of the filming was done in California. My first job out of college was in Mendocino, Calif., where some exterior scenes were shot. Sunsets were shot at sunrise, etc.)

 “Peyton Place,” “Captains Courageous” and “In the Bedroom” were filmed in Camden, which is the community that jumped to mind when I first read the question. They even have the Camden International Film Festival.

“The Cider House Rules” also was filmed in Maine.

Stephen King is perhaps the most famous Maine resident and many of his tales are set in smalltown Maine. But as far as I could tell, only “Pet Semetary,” “The Storm of the Century,” and “Thinner” were made in Maine.

You might have noticed that two TV adaptations of King’s vampire tale, “Salem’s Lot,” were not listed here. That is because the 1979 version was filmed in Eureka, Calif., and Ferndale, Calif., according to the Internet Movie Database, which are two fine Northern California towns that Mainers would not mind visiting, trust me. And the 2004 version was filmed in Australia. That’s what IMDB says, Australia.

I looked for a more comprehensive list of films shot in Maine, but did not immediately find one. I will update this post with the list or a link to the list should I find it.

Here are links to a couple of other Maine/New England film and video websites.

Oh, by the way, IMDB says the 1966 version of “Dark Shadows,” the show mentioned in the trivia question, was filmed in Connecticut, Rhode Island and New York City. The 1991 version was filmed in Beverly Hills and Los Angeles. Go figure.

Maine Warden Service warns: No safe ice anywhere in state – Bangor Daily News

This seems like a good warning to pass along.

Maine Warden Service warns: No safe ice anywhere in state – Bangor Daily News.

Getting wired throughout Maine

OK, $25.4 million is a lot of money. It is more than I have on me just now.

 

And I have no idea where it will come from other than from all of our pockets and the pockets of generations to come.

 

But if the intent is righteous, it could be a huge economic lift for typically underserved rural communities.

 

First, there will be jobs, from manufacturing to installation to maintenance of the planned broadband system. Some will be immediate and some will be more sustained.

 

Second, the three rural regions – northern Maine, western Maine and Downeast – get broadband, which means hopefully faster and more dependable Internet connections to rural areas.

 

Third, entrepreneurial opportunities the likes of which Mainers in rural settings have never seen before are wide open. Small business owners can better research their market audience, order supplies, promote their products to a global client base, arrange for deliveries, chat in real time with customers around the world, make immediate shifts in manufacturing if necessary, and more. It levels the playing field in so many ways.

 

It is a lot of money and I very much hope the pricetag does not go the way of all things. The region needs this.

 

Building an information highway – Bangor Daily News.

Christmas Past Part 2: ‘Calling too late for wishes’

Here is the second in the series of four recycled holiday columns I wrote years ago. The first in the series was partly about the holiday spirit taking over and partly about a wire story on how a Texas lawmaker had raised the ire of Texas Christmas tree growers by putting up in the Texas House of Representatives a plastic Christmas tree made in China. Yeah, that did not go over well.

The one below pokes fun at me for waiting until the last moment to begin holiday shopping. I even come up with a name for the illness and write about it in another in this series of four recycled columns.

Enjoy! Or not.

Calling too late for wishes

Editor’s note: The author was the opinion page editor at The Reporter in Vacaville, Calif., when this was first published on Dec. 24, 2003.

By Keith Michaud

“Thanks for calling the North Pole Operations Center Customer Service Division. Elf 1st Class Norman here. How can I help you?”

“Norman, is it? Yeah, I’m in a bit of a bind and I was hoping you and the Jolly One for whom you work could give me a hand.”

“We’ll see. What seems to be the problem?”

“You see, in typical fashion …”

“Naturally.”

“… I waited until the very last minute to begin my Christmas shopping.”

“I see.”

“And, well, I was hoping you fellas could, you know, get me out of a jam.”

“OK, well, Santa is kind of tied up right now …”

“Yeah, I figured he would be pretty busy what with it being Christmas Eve and all. I knew I was calling much too late …”

“It’s quite OK. We deal with these sorts of things every year. You’re not the first mentally challenged last-minute shopper to call the Santa’s North Pole Operations Center.”

“Oh, I see …”

“Now, what can we do for you? Is there something in particular you’re looking for this year.”

“World peace would be nice. And it would be cool for our servicemen and women to have a safe holiday season and get back home before too long. This whole thing in Afghanistan and Iraq is costing us all too much money and too much in lives.”

“World peace? Well, we’ll give it a try, but you have to understand that’s a pretty tall order, even for Kris Kringle, and especially on such short notice.”

“Well, yeah, I didn’t really expect him to get it done overnight. But perhaps he could work on it after the new year?”

“I’ll take it up with him after The Run. Now, what else? Perhaps something a bit more doable?”

“How ’bout ending world hunger?”

“OK, anything that has to do with ‘world’ anything isn’t going to get done by Christmas morning. It’s just not gonna happen.”

“OK, OK. Mmm, what about fixing up things in Sacramento. Years and years of silly politics has pretty much tarnished the Golden State. Don’t get me wrong. Gov. Terminator has taken some action, but I’m not sure he’s an action hero when it comes to politics. Can Santa fix up the state government, and the economy while he’s at it …”

“Whoa, now. There are just some things even Santa Claus can’t do. You Californians will have to take care of things on your own with that one. Is there anything else I can help you with?”

“I suppose not. Those were the big ones this year. Maybe next year?”

“Perhaps. But try calling before Christmas Eve next time. Santa can’t work miracles, ya know.”

“Yeah, OK.”

Previously posted:

Christmas Past Part 1: ‘Holiday spirit takes off’

Christmas Past Part 1: ‘Holiday spirit takes off’

Truly the most satisfying part of being a journalist is coming up with timely, meaningful topics about which to write passionately. Journalists take great pride in finding an issue – homelessness, hunger, corruption, for examples – and writing or producing a product that sheds light on that issue and positively affects the people in their audience.

This is not one of those instances.

Instead, this is a case of a journalist recycling a handful of holiday columns, because, well, he can. Over the next couple of days I will present those holiday columns I wrote years ago. These are not particularly poignant tales of redemption or reunion. For the most part, these were columns I wrote on deadline to fill a hole on a page. (There! I admitted it!)

But there may be nuggets of wit here and there, so I urge you to read on just for fun.

Holiday spirit takes off

Editor’s note: The author was the opinion page editor of The Reporter in Vacaville, Calif., when this column was first published on Dec. 10, 2003.

By Keith Michaud

It’s beginning to look a bit like Christmas around Vacaville – the Christmas tree downtown and garland on the lampposts, holiday decorations at every turn, and the throng of holiday shoppers have arrived from parts far and wide.

Yep, there’s nothing quite like seeing grown folks wrestling in the aisles of local department stores pitted in battle over an $8.99 toy or a $2.99 Christmas ribbon.

Ah, even I’m beginning to feel that holiday spirit growin’ inside me. Or it could be heartburn from my breakfast burrito.

At any rate, I’m thinking about perhaps possibly beginning my holiday shopping list to be checked not once, but twice. And I might actually get to the actual shopping by, say, Christmas Eve. Boxing Day at the latest.

I’m not one to rush into such things. After all, I’ve had all year to plot my holiday shopping strategy. I don’t want to blow it now by rushing it at the end.

Of course, first on my holiday shopping list will be my Mom and sister and her family. Shipping packages back to the Deep Dark North Woods of Maine requires planning and timing. It also requires knowing plane, train and stagecoach schedules in order to get the packages there on time. But after living in California for the past 20 years, I think I may have mastered the technique. I think.

More on that later …

 * * *

California lawmakers should feel fortunate. They only have to deal with a state budget that looks much like Swiss cheese and a governor the size of a Swiss, er, Austrian mountain. They don’t have to deal with a Christmas tree scandal.

The speaker of the Texas House of Representatives, Tom Craddick, put up a plastic, made-in-China Christmas tree in the House and now has the state’s Christmas tree farmers up in arms, according to a Reuters story.

“I think people can deduce for themselves about what it means to have a plastic Christmas tree from China in the Texas State House,” the story quoted Lanny Dreesen, a Texas Christmas Tree Growers Association spokesman.

Hm, Mr. Dreesen seems to have a Texas-size temper.

I’ve been in this business a while now and I deduced a couple of things – don’t mess with Texas, and don’t mess with Texas Christmas tree farmers.

If I had my choices, I’d want to deal with budget woes over fending off an attack by Christmas tree growers. Imagine the political clout these growers have, especially at this time of the year. Imagine the lawsuits they could bring.

Yep, I’m getting that holiday spirit.

The funniest thing I may have written today …

The funniest thing I may have written today may be a reply to former co-worker’s FaceBook thread about police scanner traffic he overheard about a man with a knife chasing a pomeranian.

I recalled other scanner traffic a couple of years ago in which animal control officers were being dispatched to deal with “rogue Chihuahuas.” Today I wrote: “And does this mean you don’t bring a Pom to a knife fight? … Drop the knife or I’ll send in the pomeranian!”

Listening to the crazy calls on the police scanner may be one of the best parts of working in a newsroom.

Rural Maine broadband access to grow – Bangor Daily News

Rural Maine broadband access to grow – Bangor Daily News.

USM notes breakthrough on cancer, toxin | Portland Press Herald

USM notes breakthrough on cancer, toxin | Portland Press Herald.

Just say cheese … photos are welcome!

I posted the following a bit ago, but received no response, so I thought I would try again.

If you have a photo that was taken in Maine, New England or is related in some way to Maine or New England, please feel free to e-mail to me an electronic version and I will post it here. That includes photos of Mainers visiting those of us “from away” or those of us “from away” visiting home.

WordPress allows images in jpg, jpeg, png, gif, pdf, doc, ppt, odt, pptx and docx, although I am most comfortable dealing with jpgs and jpeg.

Be sure to send information about the photo such as when and where it was taken, who or what is in the image, a story about how and why the photo was taken … that sort of thing. I will most likely include the story, and if I know people or places in the photo or something about the location, I may add a comment, too.

With a little luck, I hope to post a few photos a week to add a little eye-candy.

Sites picked for pioneering wind test | Portland Press Herald

I meant to update this earlier, but was distracted by the job hunt. This is a positive step, I think, to using wind energy to lessen out dependency on fossil fuels.

Sites picked for pioneering wind test | Portland Press Herald.

Why does this not surprise me in the least? …

Went to the DownEast.com trivia question and was not terribly surprised by the answer to the question:

“How did the city of Belfast get its name?”

Answer:

“Many of the community’s founding fathers wanted to name their new settlement Londonderry, but a strong-willed settler, John Miller of Belfast, Ireland, made a protest and a coin was flipped. Belfast won.”

It doesn’t surprise me because Mainers – whether their families originated in Londonderry or Belfast or wherever – tend to be independent-minded. Stubborn even.

Maine’s history is full of cool little stories like this.

Maine identifies ocean wind test sites – Bangor Daily News

Here’s hoping any or all of these sites work.

Maine identifies ocean wind test sites – Bangor Daily News.

Leftover linguine? Try a quesadilla

I hate – just HATE – throwing out leftovers.

It is such a waste. Food was not grown to be wasted. And there are simply too many hungry people in this country and in the world for any of us to be throwing out food.

There is plenty a person can do to best use the food you have. First, don’t let gluttony get the better of you. Exercise proper portion control and simply do not make more food than you reasonable want or need for a particular meal. That alone will help the obesity problem in this country.

Second, take a page from the environmental/conservation movement and recycle or reuse leftovers into another meal. As a child, I used to love it when we had spaghetti because there was always extra pasta. Usually, there wasn’t extra sauce, but plenty of noodles. The next day I’d take the pasta, add ketchup and dig in. I haven’t done that since my college days, but I always thought it was pretty tasted. And cold pizza leftover from the night before is a fine breakfast. Sort of.

So you have steamed veggies from the night before? Simply warm them in a pan before adding beaten eggs for a spin on scrambled eggs. Or come up with a lunchtime sandwich using something that was dinner the night before – chicken, roast, eggplant. Or combine leftovers from a couple of meals for a quick casserole or hash. All it takes is a touch of imagination.

Getting started

And if you need help coming up with ideas, there are plenty of websites out there with suggestions on how to recycle and reuse leftovers. I did a quick web search and found plenty right away:

LeftOverChef.com

Teri’sKitchen.com

LoveFoodHateWaste.com

That’s three links and good enough for a start. To be clear, I am not endorsing any of these sites, simply pointing out that they are out there and there should be plenty to get you started on avoiding wasting food.

Going too far?

I have to admit that I may have carried reused leftovers a little too far last night. It was early evening and I had not had anything to eat since I purchased a large cookie at the coffeehouse in the afternoon. The cookie was not sustaining me into the early evening so I peered into the frig and found very little – a jug of water, a carton of milk, tortillas, cheese, baby spinach and some leftover linguine mixed with a Trader Joe’s sausage sauce.

I closed the frig door, walked back into the living room, sat down, and took a sip from a can of Simpler Times lager. (Remember, I’ve been out of work since March so Simpler Times is what I can afford to drink. Get beyond it. I am.)

Within moments, I was back at the frig. I had to eat something and I was not about to head out to the store. I fished out the tortillas, cheese, baby spinach and the leftover pasta and placed the various items on the counter and stood back a moment, fists on hips.

“Well, what am I going to do?” (I sometimes talk to myself, usually not loud enough for anyone to hear. … Usually.)

“I suppose I could have a plain quesadilla.” (That’s me still talking to myself. It usually doesn’t get ugly unless I get in an argument with myself … and lose.)

“But I have the leftover pasta. But I don’t want to heat that up. And I am not in the mood for cold pasta. Hmm. What to do?” (Really, this is a process and we are getting near the end of it. Really.)

“OK, then, I could meld the cultures – linguine quesadilla.” (Trust me, I’m a much better conversationalist when I have someone with whom to, well, actually have a conversation. Other than myself, that is. … Really.)

International relations through food

I put a tortilla on a plate, put down a layer of pasta, sliced up cheese and layered that over the pasta. (I’ll use the baby spinach for something else.) I put a top tortilla and popped it in the microwave for about a minute and took it out and quartered it. The cheese had melted to form a bond between the ingredients and the tortillas, which made it much easier to eat than you might expect. And it was taster than you might expect, but I’m not convinced the Simipler Times didn’t help it go down.

Now, I’m not suggesting that you put your pasta in your quesadilla. I’m just saying that you can if you want to. Or you can come up with your own leftover quesadilla.

Pasta sauce for chilly winter’s day or any occasion

I don’t recall when or where I found the lasagna sauce recipe that eventually morphed into this pasta sauce, but it has been pretty popular with some of my friends. Enjoy!

Keith’s pasta sauce

  • 1 ½ lbs chicken breast, cut into bite-size pieces (Can use turkey or beef, but chicken seems to be the best.)
  • 1 medium red onion (Yellow or white onions are fine if that’s what you’ve got, but red onions are milder.)
  • 1-1 ½ cups chopped mushrooms (Chop them. Don’t be lazy and get them pre-chopped. Do not chop them too small, either. This is no thin, watery sauce. This is a chucky sauce.)
  • 1 medium zucchini, chopped (Get used to chopping, because there’s a bit of it.)
  • 1 medium yellow summer squash, chopped (More chopping. I told you so.)
  • 1 can black olives, chopped (Get the chopped olives because these little guys are just too difficult to chop.)
  • 2 large cans of tomato sauce (It helps to open the cans as the olive oil is heating or sooner. Then you won’t have to mess with them at the same time you’re messing with browning chicken and throwing in other ingredients.)
  • 1 small can of tomato paste
  • 1-1 ½ cups of red wine (For the sauce. Additional wine required by the cook is not accounted for in the recipe, but it does help to have a couple of glasses while the sauce is cooking. Use a wine you would drink, nothing too cheap.)
  • 1 table spoon of brown sugar (Helps cut the bitterness that comes with the wine.)
  • 1 teaspoon of oregano
  • 1 teaspoon of pepper
  • 1 teaspoon of thyme
  • 1 teaspoon of rosemary
  • 3-4 cloves of garlic, smashed (More if you want.)
  • 3-4 bay leaves (Pick large leaves so you can find them afterward. You don’t want to leave them in the sauce.)
  • Olive oil

Chop everything ahead of time and open cans and wine bottle. Actually, opening the wine bottle should be the first order of business. Have a sip – or a glass – and only then get to work. Put olive oil in a large pot and heat. Throw in onions once the oil is hot and cook until translucent. Then brown chicken in the pot. Add mushrooms, zucchini, squash and seasoning, including garlic. Sauce, tomato paste, brown sugar and wine go in next. (Put sauce, etc., before the garlic gets too hot. You don’t want burned garlic.) Bring to boil. Reduce to low and simmer for 1-1 ½ hours. Serve over pasta and with garlic bread.

Speaking of garlic bread …

Keith’s garlic bread

  • 1 loaf of French bread
  • 2 sticks of butter
  • 3-4 cloves of garlic, smashed (More if you want more.)

In a sauce pan, melt the butter and add garlic. Warm thoroughly, but do not boil or burn. You do NOT want burned garlic or burned butter. Meanwhile, slice loaf in half lengthwise so that you have the heal and crown separated. (I find that you save hassles and burned fingers later if you lay the halves on their crusts and cross-cut the loaf halves every inch or so, but leaving a bit of the crust attached. This allows you to keep the pieces together, but makes tearing the loaf apart much easier later.) Once the butter is hot, pour into a cookie sheet and lay the loaf face-down in the garlic butter. Cover with a towel and let set while you do the pasta sauce. Turn bread over and broil bread once the sauce is finished and you are about to serve. Warning: I have burned more than a few loafs by broiling the bread. Watch it carefully and pull it out once it is a nice golden color.

Serve with steamed asparagus and lots of freshly grated cheese. Asago is my new favorite for anything Italian, but freshly grated parmesan also works very nicely.

Also, this recipe makes a fairly large quantity. You can freeze some of the extra, send it home with guests or simply invite enough people to finish it off.

Have fun.

Making candy by hand, one cane at a time | Portland Press Herald

This is a pretty, um, SWEET story.

Making candy by hand, one cane at a time | Portland Press Herald.

Offshore wind power sites to be named tomorrow

Maine already has land-based windmill projects and tomorrow a panel will name locations to be tested for offshore wind fields. Here’s the Associated Press story printed in some Maine newspapers.

Big – or not so big – debate: Blueberries vs. strawberries

It may be a tossup for me which are the best – wild strawberries or wild blueberries.

Trust me, I could eat a vat of either plain.

Then there are the options. Strawberries and cream vs. blueberries and cream. Strawberries on pancakes vs. blueberry pancakes. Strawberry pie vs. blueberry tart.

And don’t even get me started on strawberry cheesecake vs. blueberry cheesecake. That would get me going like a pup chasing its tail.

But you get the point. It’s all good to me when it comes to strawberries or blueberries.

I recall as a child clambering out of my house overlooking Portage Lake, Maine, and running to the wild hayfield just beyond our backyard. There, scattered by the berry gods, were tiny wild strawberries growing on tiny stems among the hay stalks.

My sister and childhood friends would take various containers – usually cleaned plastic Cool Whip containers – and crawl through the wild hay to puck the tiny wild strawberries from their little stems. We would pick until the containers were full or we were, since often we ate as much as we put in the containers to be used later for strawberry shortcake or in the morning to top pancakes.

A horse trail used by the local stable ran along the back of the wild field at the edge of the forest and there were times we would sit in the field munching on the sun-sweetened fruit and staining our fingers red as the horses plodded by and butterflies fluttered here and there.

Portage Lake is a bit north for blueberry growth or we most likely would be filling those Cool Whip containers with those tiny blue spheres of heaven. (I hate it – hate, hate, HATE it – when people say something is a “tiny bit of heaven,” but in the case of strawberries and blueberries – especially WILD strawberries and WILD blueberries – it is the case.)

Cultivated strawberries and frozen blueberries are poor substitutes that I must suffer now that I am “from away.”

Of course, wild strawberries and wild blueberries are not the only foods I miss being from away. Lobster, of course, tops the list. I miss the chance to have lobster on a distinctly more regular basis than I do now. Sometimes boiled or steamed over an open fire on the beach or on the stovetop or barbecued on the grill on the patio or deck, drowned in melted butter and accompanied by steamers, corn on the cob and beer. Now that’s eatin’.

Fiddleheads, cabbage rolls, and fresh maple syrup are among the foods I miss being “from away.”

One of my fondest memories as a youngster comes from stopping on the way to my Uncle Clayton’s home just outside Fort Kent at Rock’s Motel and Diner, for some griddle-cooked hot dogs. My parents loved ’em. I loved ’em. I remember entering the tiny diner – the place always seemed to be crowded with hardworking woodsmen and farmers taking a break from their toil – and being hoisted onto one of the red vinyl stools to have one of Rock’s dogs. Or two. And onion rings, as I recall.

Today, familiar flavors from Maine are limited to canned sardines – several Maine and New Brunswick brands can be found in stores here in California.

And Christmas food baskets from home: Captain Mowatt’s Canceaux Sauce and assorted chocolate-covered blueberries, blueberry salsas, baked beans, and beer bread come from my sister, who lives on the right side of the border with New Hampshire, and my mother who still lives in the tiny town where I grew up, Portage, about a three hours drive north of Bangor.

And thank God that BevMo and other West Coast stores carry products from Sea Dog Brewing Co., Shipyard Brewing Co. and Allagash Brewing Co. How could a Maine boy get by without a brew from time to time that reminds him of home?

California is American’s bread basket – and fruit, vegetable, nuts, dairy and beef baskets, too. The climate and rich soil of the Central Valley make it prime for growing most things with relative ease. (Farmers, I know, there is nothing easy about farming. I did write relative ease.) The growing seasons in California are long and bright and sunny. Finding and keeping enough water to irrigate the fields is a continual and growing problem for California farmers.

And while blueberries do come from the Northwest, there are not the same as good, ol’ Maine wild blueberries.

And try to explain fiddleheads – or cabbage rolls or ploye [buckwheat and whole wheat pancakes introduced by French-Canadians to the Saint John River Valley] – to anyone who has not tramped through Maine woods to track the curly delight is like trying to explain baseball to a Mongolian sheep herder.

Two fun recipes

OK, enough of all that, because it is making me hungry. I have two very minor recipes involving blueberries, one for kiddies and one for adults. Don’t mix ’em up.

Purple Monster Oatmeal

½ cup Quaker Oats

¾ cup water

Handful of frozen blueberries (I know, I know, if you’ve got access to fresh blueberries, use them.)

Pinch of salt

Combine the water, blueberries and salt and bring to a boil. Stir in the oatmeal, reduce heat and cook for a minute. The juice from the blueberries will turn the oatmeal purpleish and should trick, er, entertain children into eating up all their oatmeal. That combines the positive aspects of oatmeal with the very positive aspects of blueberries in a colorful, fun dish.

OK, that was the recipe for kiddies … for all ages. Here’s the blueberry recipe for adults.

Blueberry Vodka

Citrus vodka (Oh, who am I kidding? Use whatever flavor of vodka you enjoy … in moderation.)

Frozen blueberries. (Yeah, yeah, yeah, use fresh if you’ve got ’em. But using frozen means the need for less ice and more room for vodka.) Put about an inch – or more, if you’d like – in the bottom of the glass.

Pour the vodka over the berries. Add cracked ice if you want it even colder, say for a summer drink.

See? Pretty minor recipes by any standards. But I’m guaranteeing that if children do not enjoy Purple Monster Oatmeal, they are bound to turn into very unhappy adults who won’t enjoy Blueberry Vodka. And, let’s be perfectly honest, we need more people who enjoy Purple Monster Oatmeal and Blueberry Vodka.

Fun blueberry facts

I did not find fun facts about strawberries, because, well, I didn’t look for them. The world of late has been pretty excited about blueberries. Here is what I found on the University of Maine Cooperative Extension website.

  • There are 60,000 acres of wild blueberries growing in the southwest portion of the state.
  • American Indians were the first to use fresh and dried blueberries for flavor, nutrition and healing qualities.
  • Blueberries were not harvested commercially until the 1840s.
  • The direct and indirect impact on Maine’s economy was $250 million.
  • Maine is the largest producer of wild blueberries in the world and produces 15 percent of all blueberries in North America, both wild and cultivated
  • Just 1 percent of the wild blueberry crop is sold fresh; the remaining is frozen and most is used as an ingredient.
  • Lowbush blueberries are harvested by hand raking or by mechanical harvester in late July or early August when most of the berries are ripe.

Wild blueberries are good for you

The biggest thing about blueberries everyone is learning about is their antioxidant properties. I say, if they taste good they must be good for ya. But here is what the website had on that.

“Wild blueberries have the highest antioxidant capacity per serving, compared with more than 20 other fruits. Using a lab testing procedure called Oxygen Radical Absorbance Capacity (ORAC), USDA researcher Ronald Prior, Ph.D., found that a one-cup serving of wild blueberries had more total antioxidant capacity (TAC) than a serving of cranberries, strawberries, plums, raspberries and even cultivated blueberries. Antioxidants help our bodies protect against disease and age-related health risks by canceling free radicals, which are unstable oxygen molecules associated with cancer, heart disease and the effects of aging. Potent antioxidants are highly concentrated in the deep-blue pigments of wild blueberries that neutralize free radicals and help prevent cell damage. Antioxidants also protect against inflammation, thought to be a leading factor in brain aging, Alzheimer’s disease and other diseases of aging. The potent antioxidants found in wild blueberries include other phytonutrients such as flavonoids and other phenolics such as anthocyanins; wild blueberries were higher in anthocyanin content than other tested fruits and vegetables.”

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I knew this, but it is worth repeating

Once again, I find myself going to the DownEast.com trivia section for a bit of entertainment. Today’s entry was a no-brainer.

What’s the best oceanfront drive in Maine?

Answer The Loop Road in Acadia National Park.

Here is a brief description from the National Park Service website:

“The 27-mile Park Loop Road system offers outstanding views of the park’s ocean shoreline, coastal forests, and mountain silhouettes. This historic road system is open from April 15 through November 30, weather permitting (small portions remain open all year).”

However, there are quite a few other options to scenic oceanfront drives in Maine and it just may be an enjoyable life-long task to seek out a suitable alternative. Please leave a comment with your favorite oceanfront drive.

Or, just for fun, don’t limit yourself to the oceanfront. Break it down to regions and give me your favorite rides in Maine.

Legislator-reservist to report in Denmark on climate issue

I just saw bits and pieces of a story on PBS on this very thing and how the Pentagon is including the effects of climate when developing scenarios for future conflict. Some of the things stressed in the PBS story are alluded to in this Kennebec Journal story.

Legislator-reservist to report in Denmark on climate issue.